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i'm a blogger...sort of   
11:12pm 25/07/2007
  my blog is up. so are the others. my posts are the only ones without comments like "i love your posts!" "can't wait to hear more" "keep 'em coming." or for that matter, any comments at all. sad... So here is my shameless plea, comment on my blog so i can win prizes or at least look popular (i feel like i'm becoming the high school girl i never was-needing to be popular and writing about boys and fashion--rolls eyes). singleandfab.com/blog. over and out.  
single and fabulous   
08:28pm 16/07/2007
  hey everyone,

i just got a "job" as a blogger on singleandfab.com. i don't get paid, hence the quotation marks, but it will be regular and it will be me writing it on a real website with ads and everything. so as of july 31st, start looking for me. my username will likely be swanker something or other.
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10:27pm 11/07/2007
  i need a job. i'm looking for editing or copy editing in magazine or book publishing, fashion would be ideal. please please please if anybody knows ANYBODY in these industries anywhere that they could connect me to, i'll have your babies.
love always, anjali
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yes, i'm still obesessed   
10:25pm 11/07/2007
  i saw the new cinderella last weekend with imran at the met. it was still funny and i had forgotten how much of cinderella was on pointe. (walking and all). it was done in an art deco style and was nice. but the greatest thing was, that it had two of the most romantic pas de deuxs i've ever seen in my whole life and nobody fell. also, it was the first ballet i've ever been to on a "date".

oh yeah, also, i just read on imdb, that they're making a sex and the city movie...i'm excited and nervous. i wonder if it'll ruin the greatness of the series, or if it will finish it off greatly. either way, fun fun!

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swan lake   
12:54am 30/06/2007
  i got back from the ballet tonight. it was so exciting to get dressed up and take the subway and go to the met for the very first time. and i haven't seen swan lake in forever. but then odile fell. i've never seen a dancer fall in a performance ever, but then i got to think romantic thoughts of her on drugs and stuff (of the gelsey kirkland fall in the swan lake performance in seattle due to meth variety) and that made it okay, plus she still did the 42 fouettes and as i was walking around i saw all the postings for concerts and operas and more ballets and i'm going to cinderella next week. this is one of the first times i'm going home that i'm not super excited about it and i'm actually looking forward to coming back. i want to be a new yorker. new decision. i have to live here and be able to go to these performances.  
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new york, new york   
10:47pm 27/06/2007
  i just finished my homework for my magazine editing class. i'm not sure how i'll do or if i have the right tone of voice or whatever. i'm kind of nervous because i'm the only one in the class who's not actually working in the editing industry already. i just realized that i've been here three weeks already and i don't have any signs of having a job. i got an interview, but no call back. i even called today and left a message, but still nothing. i'm having a good time, i'm going to the ballet on friday and am SO excited about that, it's swan lake. imran visited last weekend and i'm so happy i got to see him and i get to see him in a couple weeks again. i'm going home on sunday for rabi's wedding and i like going home, even though it's a short visit. i need to do a lot of work, though, to find a job. i don't know how to get one, though. i need to connections. a co-worker told me to go out to bars during the week to meet people and network. so that's what i'm going to start doing. ugh. i don't like doing that much, and it will be expensive, but i spose it's worth it if it gets me a job. i just hope i don't get picked up on by a bunch of sleezy guys. yuck. i think i've finally realized that i'm done shopping, so that's good, because i don't have much money left. i need to do laundry and i keep procrastinating because it means i have to stay home that long and make sure i have enough quarters. incidentally, this is why i didn't do laundry very often in college, and why i have a lot of clothes. i saw gracey mae again last night. that was fun, although i got a huge headache, like, monumental, and the movie wasn't working so we had to leave with our money back and a free coupon and go wandering around looking for a bar. i think i really like new york and could live here for a while. especially now that i found out that because they have two ballet companies here, they have ballet year-round AND it's cheaper than seattle. i'm going to go now, but i think everyone should watch the new show about paula abdul because then we can find out why she's so crazy and if she's really on drugs, like anna nicole-i certainly will. oh yeah, i'm cooking now that i'm here and i shop at whole foods and there's all this interesting stuff. turns out, i'm not that bad at it and i like what i eat. i'm still pretty lazy at cooking, but i'm good at making yummy snacks.
peace out-smanj
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new york   
11:35pm 15/06/2007
  i'm in new york now. i'm having a great time. i love the apartment i'm subletting and my roommates are cool as is the neighborhood. i've spent a shitload on clothes and shoes in the last three days and am ready to stop because i will run out of money very soon if i continue. i have an interview at GQ on monday morning and would never have believed i would have gotten one so soon. i'm in awe and so excited. i have to set up some informational interviews and am meeting some friends of friends to thank them and help me set things up. the city is dirty and exciting to visit but i miss home and it's prettiness. i love my workplace at dvf and can't wait to get some clothes. the people who work there are super nice although the interns don't ever seem to want to talk to me. i don't really understand because it's not like they knew each other before, somehow i just don't fit in. or they don't think i should. but whatever. i have to go to the met and see the poiret exhibit. i'm just dying to see it. i also want to try out a pilates class once a week with the money i get from my internship (tiny tiny). I've been running around all week since i got here and am ready to relax a little bit. i went to century 21 today and almost cried when i saw all the designer clothes and how cheap they were. i got a vivienne westwood sweater for 150 dollars. vivienne westwood!!!! they had everything, hani y, comme des garcons, pucci, kooba, everything. i couldn't believe it. so much better than filene's. i had no idea. i'm done though, for a while, as much as i like shopping and getting all these fashion items that i've always drooled over. i have to get a drtess for rabi's wedding at some point. perhaps i'll wear a dvf piece. *shrug* things are going well, yet i was reading other blogs and something never feels quite right. i always feel just a little bit rejected when i read certain things. it doesn't make sense, why is it hard for me to get over some things? i want to meet with my friends, my close friends. if i do get a job, i wonder what my life will be like. how will i live with so little money? i guess i found a place to shop...i think looking over my budget just scared me. this post is very random and filled with strange sentiments, but that's how i feel right now. so there.  
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so happy!   
05:04pm 24/05/2007
  i'm so relieved. immy's parents not only liked me, they figured us out AND they liked me! i had an inkling that they figured us out, but i didn't know they liked me and i was worried all day that i wouldn't get to see imran anymore this week and all, but it turns out it's all okay and they want to meet my parents. it's going to be okay. i'm so happy! and i'm graduating! and i have a place to live this summer! and i think i'm taking a trip to peru (if someone wants to come with for september, hint hint) as a graduation gift! things are good.  
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wait a second...   
05:39pm 30/04/2007
  i'm realizing that perhaps my self-image isn't all based on my own neuroses. most of my life i've had to fight to get people to listen to me. it's strange really, in school, i'm this vocal powerhouse where i get respect and people listen to me and discuss with me. but as soon as i get in real-world situations, everything i say seems to go over people's heads. nobody cares. for a while, i would blatantly repeat over and over which cab was our cab to my parents as they took ten minutes to walk around and look at each one to finally figure out it was the one i had been pointing at the entire time. or that the elevator floor i told my dad we were parked on was where we were as we got back on the elevator because he pushed another button. so now they listen more often now. but why didn't they listen in the first place? i tell people how to pronounce things and they go on as they were before because i obviously couldn't know more than they, it must actually be "who-kah"...what do i know about indians, i'm only half? when asked about a nice wine, whatever i suggest isn't chosen because i can't really know that much anyway. i'm given step by step instructions when i go to the airport alone, even though i'm there all the time and traveling on round-trip tickets. i'm not allowed to go to a movie in south seattle with friends when i'm 22, but my sister is allowed to go to a non-chaperoned house in oregon with friends when she's 18. sometimes i would say something i noticed, friends (of the male variety) would shrug it off as if i were over-reacting and then when they noticed it later on, they would think that they had noticed it all by themselves, or at least their situation was Much different than what i could have experienced. what is it? is it because i'm short? am i that unassuming? people don't listen to me. for some reason, i have trouble making myself heard unless i'm screaming and mad. i swear i don't look THAT young. while it's frustrating now, it makes me think about interviewing for jobs and how i'll be treated in the workplace. will i have to same problems there? will i always be treated like this or is it just stupid boys and men that feel this way? it is mostly boys that treat me this way. my friends that are girls just seem to know better and even my mom seem to know better. sexism? heightism? ageism? i don't reallly know, but it's starting to piss me off. i might actually know about things other than academics so lay down your ego and start paying attention, dammit.  
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07:54pm 27/04/2007
  i hate everyone today.  
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Virginia shootings   
07:00pm 16/04/2007
  i don't know why, but i feel really sad about the shootings at virginia tech. i'm not normally one to get super emotional, but school shootings really affect me. i think it's some kind of sense that i spend my life in school and how can you protect yourself from something like this? you can't...i get a little paranoid. i mean, there's always a risk when flying, you're up in the air for god's sake. but learning? it's what i do, and what i trust, to some extent. i don't want to feel afraid while doing something i love. in other terms, too, it's just sad that someone could be so derranged that they could go shoot 32 people. that takes a lot of time and effort, that's portraying a lot of anger or something. i mean the sheer force of it scares me and to hear about what he did-lining kids up and shit- it's military-esque. it's times like this and like when friends' parents die that i just want to be with my family so that i can see them a little longer in case i (or they) die in some strange accident. i keep getting this strange feeling more and more as i get older and think about moving away permanently that there's some kind of danger in it, that if my father dies, that time i told him i wouldn't take those vitamins will have been the last time i saw him. i get nervous about my parents' physical reports and death is on my mind a lot more. i don't really understand when i became attached to my parents and got so scared of other peoples' deaths. somewhere along the road i got all gushy inside.  
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i hear bells   
10:47pm 04/04/2007
  i was never the girl who dreamed about what her wedding would be like. i was much more interested in picturing myself in tutus and on stage playing music or writing controversial novels, boys never really entered the picture. i have no idea what kind of dress i want, although it's safe to say it won't look like a barbie birthday cake. i don't know what my colors will be or when i will get married or what music will be playing or where i will be or where i will honeymoon, or even what flowers i'll have or food. i never thought about the ring either. until now. well, just the ring bit. it wasn't until recently, when all my friends started getting married (damn them!) that i started thinking, hey, i wonder if i want MY wedding to be like this. or, "my god, i really don't want a ring like that" in fact, this is probably the only time i'll ever think about jewelry more than i do about a dress or shoes. i haven't thought about the shoes AT ALL. it feels weird to think about stuff like this sometimes, though, because i don't want to get married yet. the idea of it makes me want to run and hide in a hole. it's just so big and adultish. i don't even have a job. but still, the only thing that concerns me is the ring. i better have a fiance that doesn't mind me picking it out. i think this pretty much shows just how not ready i am for marriage.  
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funny shit. i heart apple.   
08:30pm 22/03/2007
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ready for spring break   
08:57pm 21/03/2007
  i'm already starting to wind down for spring break. now that i'm a part-time student, i get to spend all of my wednesday nights watching bad tv. america's next top model seems like a silly show to me. i like it because it lets me pretend that maybe i could model too someday. tyra makes it seem like anybody could do it. but then, after something like 7 seasons, you never see the winners anywhere except on the commercials right before top model and that's only for one season which is only like 14 shows. what a jip. then i'm watching the search for the next pussycat doll. what? it's a funny show, actually. but again, the premise eludes me. why do they need another pussycat doll anyway? there's already like a thousand of them and they all look like hookers. nobody even knows their names anyway so it's not like they're famous for anything except being skanky, bad dressers. then i like to watch top design because it's oddly intriguing even though i don't really care about interior design and the send-away line is painful "see you later decorator", seriously, they should fire whoever came up with that. why can't they just say, goodbye? but what does all this lead up to? when my bad tv watching habits increase, it means i'm ready for spring break.  
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quick survey   
05:20pm 26/02/2007
  what's harder to get a job in, fashion editing or book publishing? fashion editing.
what's more interesting, literature or fashion? literature.
what's more fun, fashion or books? fashion.
what's easier, reading or losing weight and worrying about my image? reading.

i am in a quandary.

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missing things   
12:15pm 12/02/2007
  lately, i've been missing things. i really miss england. i want to go back and live there SO badly, i can't even express it. i miss gracey too. she's one of the only friends i have that is as miserly as i. all these strange feelings mixed with school and finding jobs and stuff. i don't really know how to react or live in the present, i think. the only solution? to travel. the only problem? i have to graduate and i have no money. that's two problems, but we won't concentrate on that. i wonder how you apply for jobs out of the country. they should have a shansi program for england...i could teach them how to...drive on the right side of the road, or, go back three months in fashion? i don't know, i'm good at spelling in the american fashion...something.  
03:15pm 07/02/2007
  you know it's cold when you tell someone it's warming up and it's only 14 degrees fahrenheit outside.  
08:56am 06/02/2007
  maybe i shouldn't be a professor. i just got back my final paper from last semester's english class. i don't do poorly on papers. i just...fall short. i don't do amazing. i do okay. it's starting to bother me. i work hard, why can't i improve? even in classes where we do rough drafts, and i fix things and i think and really try and improve, my grades just don't and i get the same comments, just in different places. it's so frustrating. i don't think i could make it through graduate school in english with my grades and my seeming inability to get any better. i'm getting the same grades and comments i got freshman year. guh. good thing i like proofreading...off to publishing school for me. it feels a little like a failure though, to have the professor route pulled out from under me. i guess it's not totally gone, but i'm seeing it disappear slowly. maybe i've just hit my plateau in writing? :-/ let's hope so. i guess i'll just miss being in english classes. i like reading and discussing and writing, too, sometimes--that is, when i get okay grades...  
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05:52pm 31/01/2007
  i always feel weird when i read facebook entries from the people i met in oxford. i had so many awkward (read disastrous) moments in oxford. i also had some not-so-bad moments and i made some friends, but i felt on the outside somehow. i feel on the outside of things a lot, unless i'm with dance friends or the swankers. i wonder why it works that way? anyway, back to the subject, i read the pages of these acquaintances (stalkerish, i know) and they all seem to be keeping in contact, minus a couple of us-me included. i feel strange about that. like, i feel left out and weird, like i want them to want to keep in touch with me, but i didn't know them all that long and it's not like i'm putting in a huge effort either, so what's the big issue? it just feels weird, that's all...*shrug*

in other news, i'm back from dallas. it was a good experience overall, frustrating at the end because they gave me shit research, but i'm really glad i got to do it and when i got to do copy-editing or proofreading, i really liked it. dallas was unusually cold and i wasn't prepared and i'm really glad i won't be living in a hotel anymore. home for two days and then off to ohio and back to work.

strange realizations   
11:24pm 21/01/2007
  it's kind of funny when you begin to realize that people you really hold special to you, don't feel the same about you. like, they're your friends, definitely, but you start to get the feeling that when you're not around, they never think of you and that if you didn't contact them, you'd never see them ever again. more and more that's not okay with me. i want real friends. i want the kind of friends that think of me when they see books and movies that remind them of me. that's what i do when i go around, don't i deserve that too? so i think it's time for a change for me. i'm going to stop trying to convince people i really like, but really don't care enough about me to put any effort into the relationship, to be my close friends. i give up. it makes so much more sense to really put the effort into friendships where both participants care. i know this seems a little sad, or dark, or whatever. but don't worry, this probably isn't about any of the people who read this.

in other news, i'm interning at a book publishing company in dallas, texas. it's pretty fun and i like the people in the company a lot. i hope i can get a job in publishing. maybe even in london....speaking of which, i should probably sleep because i actually have to wake up in the morning. booooooo.

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