smanjali (smanjali) wrote,

strange realizations

it's kind of funny when you begin to realize that people you really hold special to you, don't feel the same about you. like, they're your friends, definitely, but you start to get the feeling that when you're not around, they never think of you and that if you didn't contact them, you'd never see them ever again. more and more that's not okay with me. i want real friends. i want the kind of friends that think of me when they see books and movies that remind them of me. that's what i do when i go around, don't i deserve that too? so i think it's time for a change for me. i'm going to stop trying to convince people i really like, but really don't care enough about me to put any effort into the relationship, to be my close friends. i give up. it makes so much more sense to really put the effort into friendships where both participants care. i know this seems a little sad, or dark, or whatever. but don't worry, this probably isn't about any of the people who read this.

in other news, i'm interning at a book publishing company in dallas, texas. it's pretty fun and i like the people in the company a lot. i hope i can get a job in publishing. maybe even in london....speaking of which, i should probably sleep because i actually have to wake up in the morning. booooooo.

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